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March 18, 2011 – Life expectancy is on the rise in the UK, despite growing fears over obesity and alcoholism. On paper, this may seem like good news. It is not.
Living longer is of no use to anyone, except the government, who will work you harder, longer, and with fewer benefits. Maybe once you have retired, aged 70, you will get a few years of sitting about watching TV, depressed that you can only afford to go to the pub once a week. Even then, all you can afford is a half pint, and you still need to smoke outside.
There are people out there that want to live forever, despite every book or movie that deals with the subject making it look awful. That is the beauty of ego. It makes you oblivious to reason. If you say you want to live forever you are telling us that you think you are too important to die. On the other hand maybe you are afraid to die, in which case you should grow up because while you may live a few years longer than I may, you will die. It is only a matter of time. Tick Tock Tick Tock. Quick, settle down, have kids, and buy a Volvo.
Professor Leon of the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine claims that most European Countries have been going in a “positive direction” concerning health issues such as obesity, which has long been feared as the slow, cancerous crawl of American culture grabbing hold of us.
Nevertheless, fear not. According to Professor Leon, this could not be further from the truth, for now at least. Anyone who has noticed the growing number of fat children wheezing past them in the street will know that in years to come, as these kids get older, and fatter, and make little fat kids together, the obesity crisis will really come to our attention.
Type-2 diabetes is on the rise, but does not seem to be contributing to the mortality rate. In the UK, the average life expectancy of a man is 82.6 years old, whereas a woman can expect to live to 78.4 years. The 4-year difference is believed to be due to the amount of energy a woman expels talking and shopping.
82.6 isn’t that old I guess. Considering 2000 years ago, according to the bible, people lived to 900 years old +. The bible would not lie, exaggerate, or get things wrong. That would be too old though. I think by 82.6 I will be bored, and probably impotent. One feeds the other. Also, the way things are going I will be forced to work until I am 82.6, but with advancing years and diminished strength I will be made to do menial jobs, which will probably include digging my own grave. It is safe to assume that it will still be illegal to kill myself by that time. Stay alive; Keep paying taxes as a wise man once said.
Before this country descends into a nation of old obese people, something should be done. It is no mystery though. McDonalds and Mars bars sponsored the last world cup. Should there be a complete ban on fast food, and fizzy drinks? No. I would love it if McDonalds was banned, a truly horrific place, feeding it to children on a regular basis is akin to child abuse in my righteous eyes. But ban all fast or unhealthy food because some people have no will power? Compulsory exercise? No. These things won’t work. Maybe if you hit a certain weight: age ratio you are dragged on TV and ridiculed. No, that already happens under the guise of entertainment.
It is a tricky fix. One thing really does feed the other, the constant stream of beautiful people paraded on the TV, in magazines and all over the news results in low self-esteem. After all, why would anyone love you? You are not famous… You are close to broke and your fashion sense is appalling, according to Heat Magazine. Nevertheless, McDonalds and their faux-meat will always love you. Feel their warm, sugary smelling embrace. The one stop shop for obesity and type-2 diabetes… The price you pay for a free toy for your kid. As that horrid old cow, Nancy Reagan used to say, Just Say No.
I always wanted to be retired by 30, as that milestone draws ever closer I am left facing a stark reality that I may not become rich and may have to fall back on my plan C. Marry above my station. Moreover, given the current, terrifying situation in Japan, I may be forced to use my multi-purpose plan B, ‘Split up, every man, woman and child for themselves, survival of the fittest.’
Henry Hunter WorldNewsVine UK